Cinderella – Greenwich Theatre

There are people who rave about the Hackney Empire pantos, and endless 'with the star of (fill in TV programme)' ones exist, but for the past few years my favourites have been the ones at the Greenwich Theatre, with the final performance of the run a particular highlight. (You've missed it, in other words.)

Written as ever by the regular dame, Andrew Pollard, the script is very much 'of Greenwich, for Greenwich' rather than an off-the peg one, and the theatre itself is just the right size. I've sat in the balcony at Hackney and you might as well be watching on TV – you're far away from the action and the cast ignore you. Not here. The combination is a real community event: users and staff of the area's toy libraries were out in force in the front rows.

Pollard is as delightful as ever (I particularly liked the opening Lady Gaga-inspired PVC costume) and this one featured another Greenwich panto regular, Paul Critoph, more usually in the 'Baron' or father role, as the other ugly sister. With – in this telling – the step-mother dead, it's just them being cruel to Ella (Hannah Wilding, cast both for her beauty and talented singing) while her father bemoans losing his Housing Benefit and Buttons is in unrequited love with her. Meanwhile, Greenwich Park sees Prince Charlemagne from Bohemia trying to match his with-it companion's urban cool. And failing. But swapping clothes allows him to actually talk to Ella, out collecting firewood. When his servant returns, she wanders off (giving away her firewood to someone in need – say, who was that hooded woman?) and so he needs a way to find her again. What about holding a ball, no servants allowed… ?

The best Cinderella I can remember was the part-improvised, part-staggeringly good puppetry one by Improbable at the Lyric Hammersmith a few years ago. This wasn't quite as good, but I cannot imagine there were many better pantos this year. The cast clearly had as much fun as the audience, both feeding off each other, making a real advert for the appeal of live theatre. Let's hope the younger members of the audience get the bug: they were certainly getting involved.

3/5

Get Santa! – Royal Court

A deliciously dark view of Christmas

I need to thank a friend for her pointer to this one (and the code to see it cheaply!)

Ten year old Holly thinks, unlike the rest of her family, that Christmas is rubbish because she never gets what she wants: to see her real father. Her mother has re-married a dog whose idea of decorating is to put meat – the subject of the shortest song ever – on the Christmas tree. So she concocts a plan to trap Santa and make him deliver for once. The real Santa is, of course too experienced to fall for the traps (crisps on the floor to make a noise, glue on the mantelpiece, whisky to make him drunk etc) but it's not just Santa on the sleigh this Christmas Eve… and her favourite toy, the bear she believes to be from her real father, ends up being brought to life. Now, as Santa's beard's magic only works on Christmas Day, what's a bear who wants to stay alive forever to do?

I'm not entirely sure how much children appreciated it (how many plays for kids feature bestiality as unremarkable?) but for the adults, this was wonderfully dark stuff (how many plays for adults…) about the disappointments of Christmas and the closest to creating its own world where everything makes sense, no matter how mad, since the incomparable Shockheaded Peter.

Imogen Doel channels Morwenna Banks's 'YES! I do know..' character in Absolutely (TV) / Bodgers, Banks and Sparkes (radio) in her portrayal of Holly, no bad thing, and the rest of the cast are fine, particularly Robert Stocks's doggy step-dad and everyone involved in the performance of the bear.

A delight, if you've got a warped sense of humour.

4/5

Billy Elliot – Victoria Palace Theatre

I am not a huge fan of the original film, and I had avoided seeing the musical adaptation ever since it opened in 2005. But on a bank holiday Monday, what I actually wanted to see with family and friends wasn't available at the tkts booth in Leicester Square and this, to my surprise, was.

Somewhat foolishly, given it won four out of the nine Oliver Awards it was nominated for when it opened, I didn't expect to be that impressed… Oops.

I'm not going to name names for the acting talent, not least as child labour laws mean that the part of Billy is rotated between three boys (all three of the original cast won the 'best actor' award in that year's Olivier Awards), similarly with the other child roles. A 'the part of… will be played tonight by…' notice by the theatre box office meant we might also have had understudies for the roles of his (dead) mother and a couple of others. No matter, 'Billy' made a couple of tiny mistakes while dancing but was otherwise spot on, as were the others.

If you're considering taking young children, you need to know that there's lots of rude words used, many of them by the child actors. It also features perhaps the only gay kiss to get the audience going 'ahhhh' at how sweet it is.

In other news, the choreography is superb (Peter Darling), the lyrics are excellent (Lee Hall, the author of the original screenplay) and the book (Lee Hall again) and staging (directed by the film's director, Stephen Daldry) are very good.. what's the problem? Well, there isn't one, but the huge surprise for me was the music.

I would never have expected something composed by Elton John to have fewer memorable tunes than a Stephen Sondheim musical (I say this as a huge Sondheim fan, but his average is about one per show!) Elton John has written more great tunes than I can name… just not here. I defy anyone to leave the theatre humming any of them. The Amazon reviews for the original cast album talk about it growing on you, which I have doubts about, but ultimately it doesn't matter: the rest of the package is so good.

4/5