Review – Page 7 – A life spent sitting down

Magick and Mayhem – Jermyn Street Theatre

I noticed this being advertised after seeing The Sideshow of Wonders (cv), and was wondering about whether to see it, especially after the huge disappointment of Dial L... I'm glad I did.

First up at this performance was George Parker from Amsterdam doing some close up magic and enjoying the 'wa-huh?!?' looks on the faces of the two volunteers sitting next to him. I was in the front row, almost as close, and his opening cut/rejoined rope work was perfect. I could just spot what was really happening to the 'lucky' card in one card routine in particular, but it was still very good.

The main event is Jay Fortune and his somewhat warped sense of humour. Again, I can see how he does some of it – if you start with five things to choose from and a volunteer to assist, it does not matter who picks two of them for the other to pick which one to take away, you'll always get the final card you want provided you pick on the last round – but not all. (I wonder if he has fifty two old packs of cards under the table for one…) In any case, the presentation is very good if you can take jokes about death and abuse.

An excellent end to a mixed evening.

4/5

Dial L for Latch-Key – Etcetera Theatre

The worst professional production I've seen was of a play called On the Playing Fields of Her Rejection at the Drill Hall early in 1996. The flyer was fabulous, promising mix of lesbianism, astronomy and gardening. The reality was tedious, biting the carpet bad. At one point, the play featured a solar eclipse and, when the stage lights went out, there was nervous applause from those who thought that, at last, it was over. No, and there was no interval for people to leave during either. So they were openly leaving in the middle of scenes. Come the real end, I remember at least some of the cast looking suitably embarrassed. (Amusingly, the director still has it as a proud point on her CV, even if it is noticeable she doesn't appear to have ever directed anything else.)

Why do much on that play? Because this one is not much better. Again, the publicity was great:

We tried to dial M for Murder. But instead, we accidentally dialed L for Latch-Key…
A plotting husband who strongly resembles Ray Milland…
A framed wife as eleganced out as Grace Kelly…
An Inspector straight out of Monty Python…
Hitchcock would be spinning in his grave, if he weren’t suiting up for his cameo.

The idea of spoofing Hitchcock's films is great. (See Mel Brook's film High Anxiety, for example.) But here what is supposed to be a mash-up of his greatest hits is merely messy. Film titles clunk when dropped and, a couple of sniggers aside, it's simply not funny. In the penultimate words of the piece, "it's just stupid". It's also very short at just over half an hour. Normally that's a bad thing, especially at the price, but here it's more of a relief.

1/5

The Side Show of Wonders – Jermyn Street Theatre

Richard Leigh runs a series of magic shows here, this one is a family show during the February school half-term holidays.

It starts before the advertised time with a warm up of side show games, balloon modelling etc. All good fun and the children in the audience were joining in happily.

The show itself is based around fairground attractions and for its audience works very well. You have probably seen most of the things before, but probably not so close up (it's a small space) or presented with so much genuine enjoyment – they were delighted when four of the children wanted to pay a pound to see the Man Eating Chicken!

Some of the tricks went slightly wrong (the bottom blade on the guillotine showed when lifting up the blade after the demo run – think of a vegetable beginning with C 🙂 – and the blind was thrown a little too high for the transformation trick) but it really does not matter: everyone enjoyed themselves.

Apparently, it will be back during at least some other school holidays. Recommended.

4/5

Company – Southwark Playhouse

Ah, the real Sondheim. For my money, this is one of his five best musicals, and thus better than anything most composers will ever do.

I've seen two professional productions before. The first was the Donmar Warehouse's excellent 1995 revival, starring Adrian Lester. The second was two years ago in the tiny Union Theatre, also excellent. So this one had something to live up to.

The setting is minimalist and it's not clear when its set. Bobby has a Mac laptop and an iPhone (including snorting off it at one point) and the music on the radio or at the disco is modern, but the camera used in one scene is a 1970s/80s 35mm one and the costumes – bearing in mind that I think that, with clothes, fashion is something that happens to someone else – look to be from the same period.

Despite the programme apparently claiming 'present day', I'm guessing it's still supposed to be the earlier period, because there is a scene where one character smokes – indoors! – despite being banned in New York clubs since 2003. I had forgotten that bit, but there was a warning on the auditorium door about this. I groaned to myself, then sat as low down as possible. Fortunately, the character's partner failed to get their lighter to work! Yes! It even works better that way in terms of the scene: he's failing to provide what she wants and she's too drunk to do it herself. Make this an official change to the piece!

Two problems do remain. All of Bobby's girlfriends are noticeably not as good singing as the wives he is friends with, but again, you can say this enhances the piece. One of those showing them how it should be done is Siobhan McCarthy's Joanne (albeit the youngest Joanne I've seen outside student productions) who I saw last year in a fringe revival of the tragically badly promoted Drowsy Chaperone.

The second will be cured if and when this gets a transfer. For some reason, despite this being a small space, everyone is miked. Sometimes, as with Bobby, this is stupidly apparent visually – it looks like he's got a pendant on his forehead! Similarly, you hear the band over a speaker system. But combine the sound design with the 'underneath the arches' shape of the space, and it sounds painful at times, especially with loud or high pitched sounds. I don't know if the sound balance should be better or if the whole thing is just a bad decision, but in a different space, it will sound better.

Apart from that, it's wonderful from beginning to end. Not necessarily better than the other two productions, but still one to be highly recommended.

5/5

Drive Ride Walk – Greenwich Theatre

A 'world premiere', but it doesn't feel quite finished yet. The piece has its origin in two songs at one of the Bridewell's experimental slots. It's been expanded into a 55 minute piece here, but there's scope for more.

The theme is journeys in London. One person has just passed their driving test, another cycles, and a third commutes by tube, walks, and also falls over. Around that, the main cast of nine sing a variety of songs, usually a cappella, sometimes backed by a young (college?) choir, or a double bass and… erm, I can't remember what the other instrument is.

I also can't remember any of the tunes: this is Sondheim-light, with an ensemble doing lyric-based stuff. What's missing is a book substantially longer than the sentence above. There's a bit more, but not enough.

But while it's happening, it's good stuff, particularly the 'Don't you cut me up' song from the young drivers. I was fearing they'd end up hitting the cyclist (how to put people off cycling) but it doesn't happen and she sings happily about some of the joys of cycling in London.

Overall, I'm glad I've seen it, but I was also glad I got the ticket for half price on lastminute.com.

After the week at Greenwich Theatre, it goes on a short London tour.

3/5

My Trip Down the Pink Carpet – Apollo Theatre

I need to confess to never having heard of Leslie Jordan, the author and star of this autobiographical one-man show, before today. Half the audience knew him through a role on Will and Grace (it's a American TV 'situation comedy', m'lud) for which he won an 'Emmy' award.

The story is how he ended up being able to make a joke about taking the Emmy statuette to bed, "the first woman I've ever slept with", on live TV despite starting out loathing his homosexuality. It's also indirectly the story of how the audience – a list of names in the front row is dropped – applauds him for doing so, as does the audience here, in contrast to the homophobia of years ago.

In wondering whether or not to see it, I came across a review that wondered how many of the audience would have heard of some of the names that get dropped, like Faye Dunaway and Cloris Leachman. Erm, the main target audience, people for whom Sylvester's Do You Wanna Funk means something, will know them, even if they prefer Dunaway in Mommie Dearest to, say, Bonnie and Clyde.

As well as the showbiz gossip, he covers his childhood in Missionary Ridge, Tennessee (which I had heard of – it was the site of a battle in the American Civil War) where his father died when Jordan was aged eleven, through numerous crushes on other boys, to his decision to go to the only local gay bar.. with a little help.

He also covers his drinking (he credits the experience of being in a rehab group with a hundred straight men as teaching him how to be a man), drug use ("look, a pill on the floor, take it!") and promiscuity (his accountant said he knew when Jordan was working because all the street hustlers had new trainers). One noticeable omission is any mention of HIV and Aids. For someone who arrived in Los Angeles in 1982 and spent years partying on the gay scene, it is not possible for HIV not to have had a major impact on his life.

After writing this, I had the thought that it reminds me of an extended version of the scenes in La Cage Aux Folles (the original French film version, of course) where the effeminate Albin is attempting to 'butch up' to pass as heterosexual, but ends up a star as what he really is.

It's a good mix. I laughed a lot, and the night ended up with a standing ovation from a large portion of the audience. You probably know whether or not you'll enjoy it from the subject matter alone.

4/5

The Overcoat – Brockley Jack Studio

Despite living two minutes away for over a decade, it was only late last year that I first went to the Brockley Jack Studio Theatre, blush. This was the second visit. The run had sold out, so an extra performance was added on the last day…

The Nikolai Gogol short story The Overcoat is adapted from is a classic of Russian literature. Akaky Akakievich Bashmachkin, an aging clerk copying endless documents in some St Petersburg government department, is bullied because of his threadbare coat. The tailor refuses to patch it again so, with the help of a bonus, a brand new coat is ordered. When he's dressed in the replacement, everyone treats Akaky very differently.. until it is stolen after a party for him (or was the party for the coat?) leading to his death.

Chris Bearne as the hero does both the bullied and newly confident Akaky very well within the limitations of the production, but those are substantial. A story about the way people are judged by their possessions and their jobs has stayed relevant for over a century, but this is largely missed, with too much of it set 'pre coat'. It does feel nicely Russian though.

Akaky's return as a ghost is also miswritten. The original story ends with the ghost visiting, and terrifying, a high ranking official who had refused to help recover the coat (and also had enjoyed terrifying the office Akaky worked in). The ghost leaves with the official's coat and is never seen again. Instead a second ghost starts haunting the city, looking like one of the people who had stolen Akaky's coat.

Here, Akaky's ghost turns up, smokes – productions should post 'contains smoking' warnings, especially in small spaces like this – and makes the lights go out. The end. Hmmm. Given the pace of the script, it was more of a relief than a fright.

Another oddity is that it was advertised as being 75 minutes long, but despite starting eight minutes late, it still finished 'on time'. Did something get cut? If so, it was the wrong bits.

2/5

Cinderella – Greenwich Theatre

There are people who rave about the Hackney Empire pantos, and endless 'with the star of (fill in TV programme)' ones exist, but for the past few years my favourites have been the ones at the Greenwich Theatre, with the final performance of the run a particular highlight. (You've missed it, in other words.)

Written as ever by the regular dame, Andrew Pollard, the script is very much 'of Greenwich, for Greenwich' rather than an off-the peg one, and the theatre itself is just the right size. I've sat in the balcony at Hackney and you might as well be watching on TV – you're far away from the action and the cast ignore you. Not here. The combination is a real community event: users and staff of the area's toy libraries were out in force in the front rows.

Pollard is as delightful as ever (I particularly liked the opening Lady Gaga-inspired PVC costume) and this one featured another Greenwich panto regular, Paul Critoph, more usually in the 'Baron' or father role, as the other ugly sister. With – in this telling – the step-mother dead, it's just them being cruel to Ella (Hannah Wilding, cast both for her beauty and talented singing) while her father bemoans losing his Housing Benefit and Buttons is in unrequited love with her. Meanwhile, Greenwich Park sees Prince Charlemagne from Bohemia trying to match his with-it companion's urban cool. And failing. But swapping clothes allows him to actually talk to Ella, out collecting firewood. When his servant returns, she wanders off (giving away her firewood to someone in need – say, who was that hooded woman?) and so he needs a way to find her again. What about holding a ball, no servants allowed… ?

The best Cinderella I can remember was the part-improvised, part-staggeringly good puppetry one by Improbable at the Lyric Hammersmith a few years ago. This wasn't quite as good, but I cannot imagine there were many better pantos this year. The cast clearly had as much fun as the audience, both feeding off each other, making a real advert for the appeal of live theatre. Let's hope the younger members of the audience get the bug: they were certainly getting involved.

3/5

Get Santa! – Royal Court

A deliciously dark view of Christmas

I need to thank a friend for her pointer to this one (and the code to see it cheaply!)

Ten year old Holly thinks, unlike the rest of her family, that Christmas is rubbish because she never gets what she wants: to see her real father. Her mother has re-married a dog whose idea of decorating is to put meat – the subject of the shortest song ever – on the Christmas tree. So she concocts a plan to trap Santa and make him deliver for once. The real Santa is, of course too experienced to fall for the traps (crisps on the floor to make a noise, glue on the mantelpiece, whisky to make him drunk etc) but it's not just Santa on the sleigh this Christmas Eve… and her favourite toy, the bear she believes to be from her real father, ends up being brought to life. Now, as Santa's beard's magic only works on Christmas Day, what's a bear who wants to stay alive forever to do?

I'm not entirely sure how much children appreciated it (how many plays for kids feature bestiality as unremarkable?) but for the adults, this was wonderfully dark stuff (how many plays for adults…) about the disappointments of Christmas and the closest to creating its own world where everything makes sense, no matter how mad, since the incomparable Shockheaded Peter.

Imogen Doel channels Morwenna Banks's 'YES! I do know..' character in Absolutely (TV) / Bodgers, Banks and Sparkes (radio) in her portrayal of Holly, no bad thing, and the rest of the cast are fine, particularly Robert Stocks's doggy step-dad and everyone involved in the performance of the bear.

A delight, if you've got a warped sense of humour.

4/5

Billy Elliot – Victoria Palace Theatre

I am not a huge fan of the original film, and I had avoided seeing the musical adaptation ever since it opened in 2005. But on a bank holiday Monday, what I actually wanted to see with family and friends wasn't available at the tkts booth in Leicester Square and this, to my surprise, was.

Somewhat foolishly, given it won four out of the nine Oliver Awards it was nominated for when it opened, I didn't expect to be that impressed… Oops.

I'm not going to name names for the acting talent, not least as child labour laws mean that the part of Billy is rotated between three boys (all three of the original cast won the 'best actor' award in that year's Olivier Awards), similarly with the other child roles. A 'the part of… will be played tonight by…' notice by the theatre box office meant we might also have had understudies for the roles of his (dead) mother and a couple of others. No matter, 'Billy' made a couple of tiny mistakes while dancing but was otherwise spot on, as were the others.

If you're considering taking young children, you need to know that there's lots of rude words used, many of them by the child actors. It also features perhaps the only gay kiss to get the audience going 'ahhhh' at how sweet it is.

In other news, the choreography is superb (Peter Darling), the lyrics are excellent (Lee Hall, the author of the original screenplay) and the book (Lee Hall again) and staging (directed by the film's director, Stephen Daldry) are very good.. what's the problem? Well, there isn't one, but the huge surprise for me was the music.

I would never have expected something composed by Elton John to have fewer memorable tunes than a Stephen Sondheim musical (I say this as a huge Sondheim fan, but his average is about one per show!) Elton John has written more great tunes than I can name… just not here. I defy anyone to leave the theatre humming any of them. The Amazon reviews for the original cast album talk about it growing on you, which I have doubts about, but ultimately it doesn't matter: the rest of the package is so good.